I had a crystallizing moment today. I realized that I seem to be very single-minded when it comes to some of my friends. There are a number of people that I care about a great deal, who have certain aspects of their life that catch my attention. A couple of them are Jewish, some are gay, one or two have military experience and a good number of war stories. These are just a few examples of interesting parts of the interesting lives of the interesting people that I know and care about.
All of these parts of their lives are fascinating, and I have just realized that when I am with these friends, I tend to focus almost solely on these parts of their personality or history. Nearly my entire conversation with these people seems to center around one or two topics, usually related to these particular aspects.
When it comes to my Jewish friends, I always bring up topics about religion, Hebrew culture, and stories in the news about Israel or Anti-Semitism. With my gay friends, it becomes a discussion about gay rights, if and when they will be allowed to marry, and how the gay community is treated by certain groups. And with one particular friend who was a Navy SEAL, I always want to hear more epic tales about his time in the service.
The moment of clarity I had this morning has laid bare a fact about me that I'm not sure I like. I am single-minded. I tend to focus entirely on one topic, and proceed to beat it into the ground. This is not exclusive to what my friends have to say. When I want to tell people about a movie, band or book that I am into, I will completely canvas the entire subject, and talk about it ad nauseum. As a result, I will actually turn people off the topic I have brought up.
This is the exact opposite effect of what I would like to happen. I talk about things that interest me because I would like to get people interested in those same subjects. That is the typical goal of anyone. When you talk about something, it usually means a lot to you, and you would like it to mean a lot to others.
I now realize that this means I can tend to pigeonhole my friends into certain mindsets and labels. I don't like this. I need to realize, the people I care about are complex, multi-faceted people. They have many interwoven aspects to their lives that deserve my interest and attention.
So now, to any of my friends who have been on the receiving end of my one-note conversations, I would like to apologize and humbly ask your forgiveness. I want to know you as entire people, rather than just identifying you as one part of yourselves. So please, dear friends, let me know that there is more to you than what I focus on. I'll try in future to let our frienships be more encompassing. Thanks.
